You asked for truth.
And so I’m laying it all out here.
Because none of what I wanted to say, would form itself when I had the chance. So I stared at this screen, for an hour or so. And deeply thought about truth. To you, to me, and to us.
My truth is this; you only allow people to love you, as much as you truly love yourself. And with every thought, zipping through my head, it boils down to that.
This is the truth, my truth to you.
I was afraid to say this before, and now I only realize- you were looking for something. It was never me that you intended to set aside your time for. You were seeking, for some validation. And I provided some of that to you.
In midnight moments in the dim light of an early morning. Caffeinated evenings in stressful days shadows. Whatever it was you were looking for, you didn’t find it in me. And so instead of talking, the honest, brutal truth we threw around- you retreated. Back into the depths of yourself. The comfort of old souls, and common ground. Was it easy that way? To allow yourself to fall back on the past, and believe that out of sight really is out of mind.
Did that honesty scare you? Was the vulnerability too much?
Or did it take this process of me giving, and giving and giving; these small pieces of myself, for you to realize the inevitability of the end?
You retreated. And maybe that is your truth. Because the raw emotion was weakness in your eyes. My sincerity was the downfall, and you took advantage of the one very genuine thing I ever gave.
I called you my blessing, and in some shades of memories, you will be. Those small stilled moments, where we were okay with who we were. But the truth this time around, is that you were a lesson. And I’m okay with that too. Because it was one or the other, and I was lucky enough to get both.
So here it is, my final truth.
I hope you find what you’re seeking; and that in the light of this, you face your truth as well. You won’t find those pieces of yourself in the next girl, or the one after that. And it won’t always be the greener side of the fence, or the brighter side of the moon. It’s going to take you, and you alone, to face your broken sides, the one’s that no one claps for.
Because this is the honesty that you were seeking all along, and only now in the wake of a silent week, I’ve found all the truth you’ve been asking for.
I’ve found myself, and maybe it’s time you find yourself too.