More often than not, I write about reflection. About the things that have moved me, changed me, and sparked my interest. When it comes to the end of the year, this has become an unavoidable segment of reminiscing on the highs and lows of the past 365 days.
I like to look at old posts, and the challenges I had set for myself. What I have and have not achieved. But most importantly, I like to look at who I’ve become along the way. Each year, this process becomes more and more complex; and as I get older, the posts vary more in subject and center itself on the trek to fulfilling my soul.
Something that I’ve come to realize as this year wraps itself up into another block of text, is that I gave up so much time. Time for things I was less than passionate about, and not as enthusiastic as I should have been, spent people pleasing, and doing “the right thing” and “getting over it.” Whether it was people I disliked, or subjects I would have opted out of studying; I used up all my time, on the things that weighed me down.
In the moment, my mindset was only on getting it over with, and making sure that other people were pleased with the outcome. And as I write this, I am tired and exhausted, and so filled to the brim with worry that I may do this all over again. So on that note, I only promise myself one thing this year. And that is to make more time for myself, and the things I love, the people I love, and to really spend my moments deliberately. I promise myself purpose, laughter, and more living.
I promise to do only the things that I say “100% fuck yes” to, and if its less than that- to say no. To speak up when things are wrong, and to take a stand for myself. I promise to cherish myself entirely, and use each moment consciously choosing happiness, and to seek out the good in every single situation. Because it’s easy to lose focus on these great things.
2015, You were beautiful. You showed me how big a heart can grow, and what it feels like when it’s so full with love. You’ve shown me strength, and how each situation is a shaping, elastic, ever changing mold. You gave love openly, and without regard. And for that, you will always be safe in the arms of a sound mind, and a steady soul. You felt a lot, and you let each emotion in with open arms; this made you real, and true, and it may have battled you; but it was meant to be challenging, and it’s another victory under your belt. You gave opinion, and purpose. And you made definitions for “finding yourself.” You lost a little, and you won a lot. You gained determination, and solitude. A lifetime it seems, in the span of one single year; you gave me everything. And it is another day, that sits on the horizon, waiting for another 365.
A big pinky promise for you 2016- I give you a big pair of shoes to grow into, and some room to run. I hope you find that it’s brighter and more spectacular than 2015 was.